Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
are you so shy because you have an std?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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