like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
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