wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
