don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
