apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize