He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize