none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
