we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
