All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
