I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
