fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
