Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
