My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
