WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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