Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize