Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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