Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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