It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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