Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
