I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
