Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
