mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
