you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
