ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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