Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
