At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
