he puts the penis in happiness.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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