I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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