Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
