I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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