I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
