That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I take back everything I said about communal showers
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
