i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
