This girl is more easily done than said...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
