Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
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