I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
