I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
