Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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