Moan for me like Helen Keller
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Why are your pants in the freezer?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
tell me about the fingering
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