Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize