I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize