Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
