Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize