I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
