i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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