toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
