I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
