so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Randomize
