nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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