that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Randomize