Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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