if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
