This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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