I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I need to calm my uterus...
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
