party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
