We won't sleep together?
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
honey bunches of taint.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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