i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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