tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
