Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
