That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
