They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
