Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize