should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
