I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
