my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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