Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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