She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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