he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
